If a dom…
If a dom allows her girlfriend to utilize a strap is she any less of a dom?
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No not at all. Granted Ive never used a strap on a dom woman, I think it’s a huge turn off to have limitations on what I can and can’t do during sex. And I can’t tell you how many times Ive heard ” hell no” or “you’re crazy if you think Imma let you do that.” I guess it is just a coincidence that the one and only person that I have used a strap on is femme.
I do know couples where the dom has let her mate use the strap on them. Though over all I think most dom women will not let their girls use a strap, I sincerely think they are curious. Even if the dom woman has been with a man before letting your girl use the strap on you is a totally different experience that sadly most dom women will never experience. All because of the possible humiliation they might face. We are all women no matter how you choose to dress. From my experience that’s all dom women have is thier attire and sometimes attitude to gain that title. As far as sex is concerned I am usually the aggressor/dom and I just happen to be EXTREMELY FEMME!
Ummm Ms. Chris imma have to disagree with you that most dom women are curious, its about preferences. Let’s look at the definition of the term “dom” meaning dominant: controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. So when dealing with the definition itself, the female who is using the strap is in fact the dominant one. Therefore I believe that if a person who identifies as being “dom” takes it, then YES they are somewhat less of a dominant person during sex. Does this mean that they are now seen in a “soft” context so to say? No! We as women/lesbians are entitled to our own personal preferences. Me personally,(If we need to use a title)I consider myself as a dom and I have never taken a strap, nor do I intend on doing so . But I must admit…. I have no problems allowing a fem to go down on me especially if she knows what she’s doing
So naw… Ms. Chris I am OPEN, but NOT curious. Incurious doms… do you feel me?
Of course not. Being a lesbian should not be about labels. You should be able to be yourself. Not all lesbians are created the same — Some of us are very soft while others are very hard.. but often most times we are combinations of both. There is a lot of “gray area” doesn’t matter if you are femme or domm .. we are all women first and foremost.. I mean not all femme woman like to use objects or like intercourse. And some domms want more intercourse then in most cases they will admit. Making love.. should never have limitations as long as the adults are willing and accepting ~ ENJOY YOURSELF ~
A dom? Hmmm. What is that? It is all about how one identifies with themselves. If a woman feels comfortable in her own skin then she should be able to release all of her inhibitions without having to deal with lables or titles. It all boils down to your level of comfort and how you view your identity. Granted, I am a femme, and I have used a strap but I do not feel any less femme so why should a Dom feel any less either? In short, no, it does not make a woman feel and less of a dom. Uless she has ego issues, and that is a personal problems she should deal with on her own.
Well I did not want to answer this question but here i go A DOM SHOULD NOT EVER HAVE A STRAP USED ON HER. I like to be dominant but there are things you just don’t DO. I don’t even really like the strap and the only reason I ever would let my girl do it is becaUse it turns her on and makes her feel in control. I feel that a dom should let you do other things to her but the strap is not one. Its hard enough to find a dom that with let you go down on her with out making her feel like shes a b****. As long as my girl lets me rub it lick it ride it and moans when i am giving it to her in the right way I will never ever think about straping her down. And if my girl was to ask me to do that I would have to let her go becaUse she might be confused. I need a hard woman because we both have to bring something different to the table. I bring all the emotional shit and she brings all that other i am so in control i won’t cry baby just let me feel i wear the pants by benDing you over from the back and showing you why i will forever hold the DOM TITLE. MUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
This is such crap. All the labels one attaches to oneself and missing out on the good things in life because of perception or misperceptions made by other people. What difference does it make if you identify as a dom or femme if your pussy needs to be serviced. This is in the privacy of your bedroom (or wherever you may be) who cares whether u take a dildo up the ass or not. Nobody but you. Get over yourself.
Here’s the bottom line to all of this. DO WHAT FEELS GOOD TO YOU. End of story.
No way. If a dom lets her girl bust her up every now and then, that doesn’t make her any less dom! Oh no! It just means she/he’s a bitch.
In my opinion being a dom is like being a femme. It’s not your actions that make you dom or femme, it’s how you feel inside. So no I don’t believe that a dom who allows her girlfriend to use a strap-on is any less of a dom.
Well now that depends. Wouldn’t it mean that your girlfriend is not so much femme? sliding scale really. It takes a certain type of femme to have that desire I think and a certain type of Dom to be strong enough to let their woman fulfill that desire. When you are in a relationship though, don’t all those classifications go out the window? What you are in the bedroom with your girl is different then what the world sees. Straps aren’t me but neither is monotony. Anything to keep the spark!
From a Dom’s perspective- absolutely not; I think that often times Dominant women forget that they are just that-”WOMEN” & it’s “natural” for a women to want to feel some type of penetration. Now some may say that’s not true-o.k. maybe, but if that’s the case and if you are truely “gay” and all about women then on the contrary we have to ask feminite women that same question.
I’m fellin what Blackwidow said! I’m somewhat of an aggressive femme, but not so experienced, so I can’t wait to use a strap on a girl. But, I only want to do that to a femme. What fun would it be strappin up for a dom that’s not gonna even be tryin to moan and like it like that cuz they don’t want to seem like a punk. My first was Dom and I didn’t go down on her, kiss or touch her breasts or her pussy and I still loved every minute of the sex. It was amazing! And I agree that if she ever asked me to use it on her I would be kinda skeptical about who she really is. We do need to do away with most labels, but for femmes that like to be tossed around in the bedroom (like me) I can’t see switchin up just to see what it’s like.
Not in the least. I think any dom who is open enough to allow her feminine partner to share this experience is way way more woman than any other dom. Women are women, and we all love to receive pleasure in some form or fashion. Just because ‘dom’ happens to be your profile, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy penetration from your parter. My motto is: “If I can’t flip ‘em, I don’t want ‘em”
NonaMartini (aggressive femme)
Ok, now i have read these, u know what, i plead the 5th. I don’t think it makes you a pillow princess if you like it. If your girl wants to and you trust her, I guess that is cool.
You know I wanted to wait to see more responses before I replied to this question, but after I read NonaMartini, I couldn’t wait anymore. I agree with some points, i disagree with others. But what I have read is “labels”, “punk”, “bitch”, “can’t flip …, etc, you get my drift. Have any of you ever thought that maybe some life experiences warrant why anyone, dom or femme, wouldn’t want to have the “strap” used on them.
Can you say “Color Purple”? Holla. If your mate really loves you then they will understand. Didn’t mean to go there, but it’s out there and labels have nothing to do with it.
DOM SHMOM…! I mean damn! If we as Lesbian-Bi-Trans or whatever label you use (to bind yourself to something) are truly living outside “the box” by living out “THIS LIFE”. Then why must we adhere to the same social standards as the world around us. “I’m the manly looking one soooo i’m the one doing the F%*kin”. Ummmmm what you and ur lady do in the bed is for you! So if you like beef injection, you like it! It doen’t change a thing about you! I’m tried of the standards ladies, we are grown right! We do what we like!
I’m a very sexy fem…..in case you all where wondering!
I personally feel that it doesn’t make her less of a dom if she allows her girl to strap on. I believe it is to each its own and whatever floats your boat in each couple’s bedroom then that’s their business. I am a femme and I think that there are alot of things that we as lesbians are failing to realize is that we are so caught up in sterotypes and how its going to look after the fact if the dominant one allows the femme to strap on. If it makes the sex/lovemaking more kinky, fun, exciting and you get my drift then so be it. I strapped on with my ex and that was only because she cheated on me and had a threesome and I told her that if she ever felt like she wanted dick then I would strap on and give it to her than for her to go out and cheat on me. Even though that is not my style I was willing to do so because I loved her and I felt like what happened in our bedroom stayed in our bedroom.
I think that it’s a turn on for my dom to let me use a strap on her. I don’t think of her any less. I love her for who she is. But a woman is still a woman, no matter how they dress or their attitudes. Some of ya’ll soms need to stop fakin, cause u know u like da strap. And I agree with Sugadrop, what u and ur lady do is what ya’ll do.
I am an agressive femme. I am a femimine woman who can be very dominant in the bed. With that said, I have not yet been with a dom who did not let me turn them ova and give penetration. (Fingers and/or a strap) Granted, it may not happen on every occasion, but it does happen. So, I need for all the doms who fake, because of a “social norm” and outsiders perceptions, to KNOW that it is ok to get the strap and like it. I appreciate a woman who is versatile, and is open to sexual exploration. We ARE ALL WOMEN!!! Get yours and don’t be afraid to cum as many times as possible whether that be via oral sex, penetration, or whatever.
Well, well,it appears that after all we’ve been through as women fighting for the right to express ourselves, our love and our life, even among ourselves we still feel the need to limit ourselves on the most intimate level. I am very much femme and love who I am. I’m comfortable in my own skin and enjoy women who are open, spontaneous and adventurous when it comes to loving. I want to satisfy my lover completely for her enjoyment as well as my own. I think its been said several times during this blog that “we are all women.” If my partner enjoys penetration then thats what I want to give her, if not and she wants to give me the pleasure of the “power” now and again..that’s okay too. We spend too much time limiting ourselves to certain roles instead of enjoying each other. I’ve been asked if I was a pillow princess (of course before someone gets to know me), I’ve been told I’m a lipstick dyke, undercover dom and just recently I’ve been call a FOM — in case you missed it I was told it was a femme who’s aggressive in bed. How about I’M JUST A WOMAN WHO LOVES THE COMPANY, LOVE, TASTE, SMELL AND FEEL OF WOMEN.
Ahhhh oh hell no! I consider myself what i would or we would call a dom stud fem.Sex has no limitations. So i would allow my girl to use a strap on me because it doesn’t take away from my self stature as a dom. Being a woman that has not had the experience of male penetration i would be selling myself short of intimacy if i never experience that kind of penetration with a WOMAN…..my WOMAN….It could be the opening of a whole new world of intimate erotic pleasures beyond one’s imagination. All you need to have is self esteem and trust in oneself and partner to enjoy the fullest of intimacy.
I think a deeper question is will a Dom/Soft Dom admit that she likes penetration? Most people will do what feels good to them sexually or otherwise. However, our so called more masculine (dominant) counterparts neglect this side of them. Why? The origins of this self-denial may arise from the fear of being vulnerable or weak and in some cases she has not found pleasure from penetration.
Ladies, I gently use the labels (Dom/Soft Dom) to stick with the topic. It doesn’t matter how one defines yourself if you do at all. Let’s gently use the term in the same manner as saying light skin or dark skin just for the commentary.
Doms/Soft Doms in general…identifies closely with males in a number of ways (not all); therefore, they are likely to display similar fears of appearing unmanly or weak. I affectionately call this “the Tarzan Syndrome.” This is a psychological battle that has multiple facets and breeds denial such as denying what is a sexual pleasure center for her or him.
Examples of this psychological castration or fear of being feeble can be seen in many ways. This fear prevents our biological men from going to his Urologists for a rectal exam or admitting to his boys that he likes his woman to anally pleasure him. The best example of unmanly fears is shown weekly in the NFL. Most men prefer to limp off the field at the risk of further injury to a limb than be carried off on a gurney. We as woman of the dominant side bear some of these same distresses. We have to appear strong at all times and can’t do things that stereotypically are displayed by a woman (femme) such as carrying a purse, wearing a dress, receiving penetration, or wearing thongs. (Laugh) All are individual battles that no cookbook recipe can address.
Unfortunately as a person who is probably labeled as Soft Dom and in the field of Psychology, I can’t offer one solution without multiple sessions with my fellow Doms or self. As for myself, would I allow a woman to penetrate me? In the intelligent words of Whitney Houston, Hell to the Nah! I do not like penetration of any kind. This is not being a hypocrite. I didn’t like penetration with a man.
Would I allow a woman to penetrate me if I received pleasure from it? Let me think…No! F$&# NO! I get a headache just envisioning it. I suffer from the “Tarzan Syndrome” as well. On the contrary, I can’t tell you about the countless number of times that Doms and Soft Doms have greeted me and whispered in my ear, damn your sexy…I would lay on my back for you. I chuckle. It’s a compliment from one wo-man to another. Conversely, this same sister would not allow me to hold her as she leans her back against my chest or turn her around on the dance floor as I tastefully and seductively closely slow dance with her from behind. There have been those who would allow it, but the clock tics and they quickly move away and Man Up.
Some solutions… let’s keep talking. It is most difficult to get woman to openly and honestly discuss there feelings in a group setting. The men do much better than us. That’s another topic. Maybe one day this blog can grow into a Pow Wow or Boule Meeting whereby we get together to exhale and fellowship. Or use our forum as a place of healing and embracing individuality. You would be amazed at how sensitive we are inside and how much we are all alike (Doms, femmes, or no classification). This fear prevents us from coming out (our 2nd coming) so to speak. Femmes try to understand how difficult it is to disregard the stereotypes, yet appear strong. Couples strengthen your listening skills. Ladies, gently encourage your Dom/Soft Dom mate to openly express pleasures. We should all try expressing things that give us pleasure one thing at a time.
Doms, what can I say…beat your chest and give your woman what she needs to the best of your ability. Does receiving penetration make you less Dom? It’s a personal answer. Taking it is not my forte. We can converse until we are blue in the face. I won’t be able to do it! …and that is psychologically healthy for me.
Penpal,thank you for the session
As for the question, its what ever u and your girl like doing. I read everyones response some i argee and some i don’t. I think some was a little harsh towards how other people think and feel. U know we are keep going back to the “labels” because everyone in our life is living up to it. I also agree with Sensual nydom, u never know what a person been through in their lives for them not to want to be penetrated. I knew someone and she didn’t even like for your to finger her because of what she went through in life. Now, i think she has gotten pass that cause she is a (soft) dom to me and since she’s been through her issues has had penetration. Now u do have doms who dont’ like u touching their breast, going down on them or other stuff but u also have some who love it all and theres nothing wrong with that. Now i dont’ like dealing with a female who dont’ like to be touch I’m sorry especially the breast. I just love those breastes lol!!!!!!!! Man, it shouldn’t even matter what your “title” is you are a women and a women should enjoy one another. I know i do when i’m with someone 
mmmmmm the smell and the touch of us just turns us on. lol!!!!!
Of course not! That’s what’s wrong with some people’s sex life now. Because we want to impose society’s relationship roles on each other, we put restrictions on ourselves as far as how we date, who we date, and how we sexually relate to one another. Just because you’re a dom, people expect doms to “Walk like a man” (LOL) when you are really a woman. When the lights go out, the door is closed, and it’s just you and your partner, how you choose to relate sexually between one another is your business! Don’t allow other people’s opinions or society’s role definitions hinder you from a wonderful sexual experience.
“Excuse me if I get too deep”
How is this question any different than “why Fems expect Doms 2 pick up the tab every time you go on a date?”
This question about female same gender bedroom behavior still has the same underlying “alpha male ego”, “hetero norm”, sexist, and misogynist tone and to me it’s truly it is the same question. Who plays to man in the relationship?
The only true “dom” is a straight white man! Why? Because straight white men control this world that we live in. He controls by finances, politics, and our minds. Brain washing us to believe that if we don’t emulate him we are less than and his greatest trick ever is making us believe that his thoughts are our own.
Question?
If a dom allows her girlfriend to utilize a strap is she any less of a dom?
Answer - Only if she puts her legs up! LOL..
It’s all about what you are comfortable with when in the bedroom with your partner. I personally don’t do labels but I don’t quite feel comfortable with allowing my partner to use a strap on me (I do believe my past experiences may play a role in that as well)! I’m not afraid to admit that I do like some type of penetration but not to that extent. I enjoy allowing my partner to please me because it adds more spice to the bedroom! We are all women and labels shouldn’t define ones role in the bedroom. I think that a lot of “Dom” women are uncomfortable with their feminine side and in their minds, allowing her partner to use a strap would make her feel less of a “Dom.” My friends’ consider me to be what they call a “Gay Male” because I’m very feminine when I open my mouth and by some of my actions but I have the appearance of a “Dom.”
Contradictions…contradictions…ContraDICKtions! — Please feel free not to respond to the following rhetorical questions. Let them serve as points of reflection.
How come aggressive fems/and pseudo doms are the main ones with so many male friends? Why are women that occasionally relate with their male friends still under the impression that they’re lesbians?
How come TRU doms (that don’t take the meat stick!)are considered “sterotypical/male egoists/insecure fakers?”
…How judgmental is that?…
If the “stereotypical theory” has any merit, then let’s look at the flip side:
Are so-called “aggressive fems” who are obsessed with poking somebody, merely SUPPRESSING their tru sexuality/aggression, which is deemed attractive for ” a lady?”
Are there latent shameful feelings in fems that bear “AGGRESSIVE” labels which highlight sexual prowess?
Whatever’s clever. Bottom line is a Dick is a dick is a dick. Women that like dick probably like boys too. Although some dykes dom/fem have come to their senses, those dick loving doms may still be in the middle.
All in all, since 90% of the current population aren’t/won’t be lesbians by the end of this message/year/decade…what’s the next question?
6th paragraph should read: unattractive for a lady
To: Mrs. Tafari
From: 1% of that 10% that is still gay
Aggressive, suppressing, tru, stereotypical, insecure……..I could go on and on with your judgments of lesbian sex choices.
Rhetorical? Maybe.
However, the fact that you posted a second reply makes me feel the need to reply to your reply with some questions that aren’t really questions but merely statements that provoke thought and since I’ve been thinking.
You say a dick is a dick is dick then why won’t you take it?
If you dick your lady down and your theory is that makes her like boys than why do you love her?
Is it because you aim to please and satisfy her need ?
What do you gain by giving up the dick? An Ohh & a Uhh for yourself?
And what makes you the authority on gayness?
I like Cee who is she? and is she available?
Bottom Line: 2 consenting adults can do whatever they choose 2 and neither should be judged 4 their actions. if the goal is 2 pleasure your partner and obtain intimacy—u and your partner should be free 2 accomplish that however u 2 c fit. do what u do and enjoy it while u r doing it!
She loves it…but I ain’t into the meatstick. Besides, I get off when I’m inside her anyway so stop asking me personal questions and recall that I said “probably,” then reread that paragraph.
(Damn it seems like they can’t take you nor me up in this joint huh?)
What makes me the authority - (ask me later!) Sike naw “I’ve been in this game for years/it made me an animal…” Seen it all, had most, and I wrote the book on this gay shit baby. Live and direct from Washington, Dykin City! No apologies and no chaser. Feel me?
I have never lived anywhere where folks have been so stuck on this labeling thing than the DC area. When we take off our clothes, we are all women. Bottom line.
Admittedly, I do not understand the Dom appeal especially when the Dom refuses to allow herself to be touched like the WOMAN that she is. Yes, I KNOW we all have preferences and if you don’t like being fucked… well you just don’t like being fucked but for some it seems like a matter of principle than preference. That don’t wash. and for you women who are intimate with someone like that, you may want to ask yourself how much that person truly TRUSTS you.
To see women take on and heighten patriarchal subjugation of women makes me ill.. and if you don’t think that is what you are doing, then you MIGHT want to read a bit more or take a look around you.
When will women realize that we can be strong and dominant, in control and powerful WITHOUT being like men… Just look at your femmes, they will show you the way.. and most femmes know what I am taking about.. many of the so-called doms in this area are just pussies in thug gear.
I once dated a girl (she was femme at the time) who upon learning she had been accepted by a local police force, informed me that after she finished the academy she was going to start dating femmes. I don’t consider myself anything but the person my Moms gave birth to but I guess I would fit into the category of “dom”. Well you can imagine my thoughts on her revelation….
It made me think about this one fact…we as lesbians HATE for society to label us, sterotype us, demean us, categorize us…..so why do we do it to ourselves?
Well with my experience in this field i would have to say no.I myself have given and received,And after being in a long relationship you have know chose but to add more things to your sex life or boring begans.Then sex once a month starts until it totally drifts away.All this can be avoided by trying something new it’s worth it.
We are all women I feel whatever your decisions and desires are than hey have fun with it. No it does not make you any less of what you choose to be or are to each other or another person outlook of you.
ummm to answer the question, I would have to say negative… in my eyes, it just makes her more of a dom which is even sexier, because she is COMMUNICATING with/to me what she wants and I like that and she does too or she wouldn’t be asking me to strap her
I always say a woman is still a woman and DOMs need to remember that…. True, I have never used a strap on my partner and that is not her thing, plus I just could not see myself in a strap lol but If a DOM does like the strap then more power to her like I said she is still a woman. What I do not like and cannot understand is the DOMS that are so hardcore that they will not allow their women to touched them at all…. You are still a WOMAN…. And remember a MAN will always get theirs… when have you ever heard of a man turning a woman down…. We are all women and we like to please and be pleased.
HELL TO THE NAW!!!!
The best sex I ever had was with the ONLY stud that let me use a strap on her. It was unexplainable…in a good way. My protector, my knight shining armor, my better half comfortably submitting to me sexually with no regrets, no hesitations.
Behind closed doors…all labels disappeared and she was no less a stud to me. And as she would say, “that was all that mattered”
I agree with Diva. If I am yours and you are mine, I love and trust you the way that I say that I do, then when we are in bed nothing is taboo. I am “agressive” and I love for a femme to make love to me …including penetration. It does not always have to be a strap on, most times her fingers will do, but I do enjoy it.
I could never be a woman who would not let my lover express her sexual feelings to me in a physical way. But, to each her own.
sexual position is not a walk in life… when you think about some of the things you do in bed with someone or alone… huummmm would it make you any less human in others eyes.. maybe /maybe not… but to the world.. how do you get down…
I don’t roll play, but if I’m with a dom woman… and I wanna strap on her… the fact that she’ll let me do it… is exciting… I would view it as her way of investing in me getting off…
and I like to get off… smiling..
No name calling here… do it dom.. do it.
MEL I LIKE YOUR ATTITUDE What’s Up With You?