If you could cheat….
If you could cheat on your partner & know that she would never find out, would you do it? Why or why not?
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The question is If you can Cheat? No I would not cheat the partner would not know! But we would and there are consequences behind everything we do, there is a conscience, there is a thing call being faithful also what goes around comes around. If we do it what make us think they are not or will. I feel if you have to cheat then you do not need to be in a committed relationship. If there is something missing in the relationship then please communicate (that is the key COMMUNICATION).
I never have and never will cheat on a woman…. I believe that when you cheat…. your only cheating yourself. If your partner‘s not filling a void, then maybe it’s time to seek information. There are so many resources out here that “I personally know of” that you both can participate with. Programs that will help you and your partner take the necessary steps in addressing the issues you may not even know is blocking you. (It could be that you’re just trifling and should not be in a commit relationship) But what ever the problem there are programs like BLSG and other LSP session and supports groups for example that would be a great start in helping you find out more about yourself and the women you date as people. There are events that involve some of the most positive women on the coast I’ve seen… and if none of those things work, then you shouldn’t be with that person. So…… to go behind their back is like saying their happiness is more important than yours. Why else would you stay for their needs and sneak around for your own.
WHAT!!!!
I would never cheat on my partner. What is the point in making a decision to share your world with someone when you are interested in sharing it with everyone else also???
If you are in an open partnership this is a different matter all together. If your partner is okay with sharing you, cool.
If you are unsure to the answer to this question you should not even expect your partner to still want to be with you if she finds out you are cheating. No matter if they find out or not you are wrong, and should not expect that person to want to be with you.
After all, you have proven with your actions that you don’t want to be with them.
Don’t cheat. Cheating brings bad karma.
I would break up first .. cheating is so 3rd grade.. at this point there is no need to lie or cheat.. if you have to cheat in the first place .. it’s a clear sign your relationship is in danger.. of being over if it is not already. So I No.. I would not cheat even if my partner never knew.. I would know .. and that would not be kosher for me..
- HEY JAY.. SIDEBAR.. !! WHERE YOUR KNOTTY ROOT MAN.. ? IF YOU CUT THEM OFF.. IT’S ALL GOOD.. I AM SURE THE CLOSE CUT LOOKS GOOD ON YOU.. PEACE..
No, Karma is a bitch!….. Plus What’s done in the dark will come to the light!
First off let’s take a step back and break the question down. People “cheat” for different reasons. After making a committment to a only one person and before the act of cheating with someone else occurs there maybe reason lingering. Now let me say this now, if somebody could get away with cheating and thier partner never know, and they cheat repeatedly. That person needs to be SINGLE and dating. To be able to get away with hopefully a wonderful sexual experience that could possibly never be duplicated. Then I say heck yeah I do the damn thing but living with your conscience can sometimes be more of a real consequence than actually getting busted by the partner. So in that regret, if I thought I would cheat ….. then I would most definately rather not do it, break up before doing it, or really rationalize the decision…cause I definately would’nt want to have a dumb excuse like,”she needed help w/her zipper and it just happened!” which would negate the value of the women I claimed I was committed to, so……yeah, good question:)
Dammn, people just are not satisfied with anything. I am a one on one person. It is better that way!
Cheating is indeed so “third grade”, but the conventions of monogamy are so “man made”. The entire purpose of the conventions, rules and regulation that have come to shape and define the standards of monogamy were purposefully developed by [white] men to control where they spilled their semen and whether they would have to take responsibility for their actions. If it fell into a woman who they deemed respectable enough to be called his wife, then the children she bore would be the children he socially, economically and publicly acknowledged as the fruit of his loins. If it feel into a woman of ill repute or a woman who was not considered racially pure, then he did not have to take social, public or financial responsibility for the woman or any children she may have had as a result of being sexually connected to him.
In our lesbian societies, we are so desperately wrapped up in the conventions of monogamy, but I am unsure why this is so. We can not impregnate one another without assistance. For the most part, the majority of us are not participating in the institution of marriage unless we have impressive levels of education and equally impressive financial holdings to make the trip to Massachusetts for a marriage certificate that does not have to be acknowledged outside of that state. So what are we really suggesting as we fantasize about cheating or not?
In loving, balanced, strong and safe relationships sexual expressions are usually examples of some of the most pleasurable, exciting and satisfying kind of sex one could imagine. It’s all a balance. When things get out of whack, some people may seek outside recourses for the most carnal of satisfaction but as we seek this, some people may or may not wish to put aside their primary love relationship. So as despicable as many perceive “cheating” to be “cheating” may be for some an experience that ends up being a way to self heal and/or a way to re-discover what is most important in ones primary love relationship.
Believing that sexual monogamy is the best expression of faithfulness and commitment and true love is an unfortunate hand me down from male dominated society. If any group of people should own their sexual freedom and revel in it without shame boundaries or artificial limitations it should be lesbians regardless of their partnered status. “Cheating” may be an opportunity to engage in an invaluable learning experience especially if “not getting caught” makes you feel better about yourself.
Cheating???
Ummm…There are actually multiple facets of cheating. Simply said…I believe cheating is doing anything with another woman, that you wouldn’t want your woman to know about, or to do to you. It doesn’t always have to be sexual.
Going back to the basics however, cheating is probably one of the biggest reasons why herpes run rampant in the lesbian community. In my experience of talking to other lesbians…very few of us get tested for anything prior to having sexual relations with a partner whether for a night, or a lifetime. Particularly with women we barely know. For most of us…If she looks good…that’s good enough! Unfortunately, there is no test you can take for herpes unless there is already a presence of a breakout. Grant it. Herpes is not the worse thing that can happen to a woman, but if you have to incorporate it into your life…wouldn’t you want it to be b/c of someone that was meaningful to you? How many woman do we actually ask…can I look into your mouth, before we kiss them? Or even date long enough to notice such a thing? But what about HIV? Still, it sometimes take multiple 6 month testings to even be sure? We get 1 negative result and go…WHOO-HOO (smile).
It’s bad enough being risky when we are single. But god forbid bringing something home to the woman you claim you love. And yes…a simple good night kiss, a peck is all it would take to transmit oral or genital herpes.
Lets take my mate out of the equation for a second. So the question “really is”…Would I cheat on MYSELF for possibly some cheap trick, who I barely know b/c she looks and acts irresistibly tantilizing? Ummm…Can’t say I haven’t taken that chance in the past…but today, my values have grown up with me. I think of my body as a temple and treat it that way. So cheating…I THINK NOT!
PEACE.
Basic, you are deep. I am definitely feeling you. Thank you.
I think we “all” have cheated to a cetain degree or should I ask is “lusting” cheating? Physically, cheating? Asking for a phone number and pretending that “we” are just friends? Hoping that it could lead to “friends w/ benefits”?
Are “we” able to have freinds w/o taking it futher? Or when “we’ have issues w/ your partner Oh! Here is your friend to pick-up the peices and the next thing you know, the friend is more than a friend.
Come on yall! Keep it real! Damn, right you’re goona “CHEAT”.
Bikergurl08
Excuse me ladies, but Lenore Cunningham ur name hits a cord with me, does fjsc hit a cord with you?
No, I wouldn’t cheat even if I wouldn’t be caught. Like a few of the other folks above I believe in Karma….and it can come back to bite you in the ass TWO FOLD (whether directly or through those who you love). When I make the decision to get involved in a relationship is because I am sure THAT is who I want to be with and THAT is who has my attention 100%. I am a fpcused invidivual when I am involved. If you are happy, fulfilled, and your partner is taking care of home; you won’t have a reason to look elsewhere…that is MY story and I’m sticking to it!
Some of you might be telling the truth in your response but for real, some of you are just being politically correct cause your girl gonna read your response. First of all, cheating goes so beyond just whether or not you had sex with someone other than your partner. Women are always building these “innocent friendships” that turn out to be a hell of a lot more intimate than anything you have ever had with your partner or are willing to admit to your partner. Intimacy, whether it is physical, mental or emotional is a form of cheating. All of you can not sit there and try to say that given the perfect setting with a woman that you are extremely attracted to and that has made it known she is down for whatever, even though you both know you have someone, that you wouldn’t in the very least consider doing something even if it’s just rounding a few bases instead of hitting the complete homerun. The most honest that you can be at this moment is to say that you don’t know what you would do unless put in that situation to see how much or little resolve you have. It is these moments that truly test your commitments and we could spout of lot of bullcrap about how evolved we are and how self-rightous we are but for real, I’m willing to bet that if I put you in the room with your number one fantasy girl(other than your current partner) and provided the perfect setting/mood and things starting to develop and you KNEW your girl/woman wouldn’t find out what happened that most of you would take FULL advantage of the situation. As Me’shell says: “I am weak, I’ll go astray. Forgive me for my sin!” If your answers are truly representative of our community, we wouldn’t have the number of fucked-up relationships that we do. There wouldn’t be these huge gapping holes left in our women’s hearts because of all the times we have gone astray instead of staying steadfast to our commitments. And for real, monogamy is not natural. It is a restraint imposed by society. As a side note, Venezuelan Mami, let’s be real, people cheat whether home is being taken care of or not. Cheating has to do with the cheater’s desires and not the shortcomings of their partners.
Precious…. I couldn’t agree with you more… If one respects their own bodies and that of their partner the woman they claim to love then when it comes to cheating their answer will always be no whether she would find out or not…. Say no to Cheating!!
If I could cheat on my partner and she’d never find out, would I do it? heck yeah I’m foolin’ around… but only if Marsha Ambrosius (songstress of Floetry) were to holla at me…
I’m so afraid of catching cooties I wouldn’t cheat if Jesus Christ rose from the dead and gave me a signed “DO IT” pass. I’ve also been cheated on and the bad feelings from those events keep me in check and remind me why I could never do it. I have never cheated and I would feel so guilty I would tell on myself.
KEEP’N IT REAL, VERY WELL SAID I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO COMMENT ON THIS TOPIC.
@ Basic…
LOL,
i am so confused about what the heck you are saying…
Yes, I would cheat, only because I’m not happy. Yeah I know I’m going to get chewed out for this one. Most people say well “why don’t you just leave”? Well it’s easier said than done. My girl is beautiful, classy, somewhat intelligent, okay in bed. Here’s the thing. She’s too clingy and needy. I have never cheated on her but at times I really want to. I’m not the type of person who requires attention 24/7. I also have my own life. My girl is just the opposite. So when she starts nagging me about coming over or calling me every second of the day, even telling me she wants to marry me. It’s quite over-whelming. Especially since we’ve only been together for 4 almost 5 months. I love to shower my girl but I’m not cut out for her life becoming my life in such a short period of time. I still want to be in the honey moon stage. You know, chill a while and when I do call later in the day or the next day, it will be refreshing. But I can’t possibly feel that way when I’m being smothered. So would I cheat-yes-if I knew that I could get away with it.
It would be my pleasure.
Thank you so much for your honesty Phocus. Speakin from the heart is not always the easiest, however it is the best way of dealing with what is in you. Everyone says “No” but on the real who’s to say what one might do if given the opportunity. You can tell me all day that you won’t cheat. Hell, I can say it all day to convince you and myself, but the truth is that I would love to say Hell No, but there is Lust in my heart. Never did i believe that i was capable of it, but yes, sadly so for one moment in time that Hell No became a yes. But i can say in my heart of hearts, that it will be only that one moment. The pain is 2 great when you love someone to look them in the eye and know that the pain staring back at you is the one you caused.
I don’t need to elaborate.. some of you make good points but at the end of the day..
yea I would cheat. why? because I can get away with it and I don’t have a mind of a bird nor but believe me I’m not having sex with my girl until I get tested after that experience
No, my conscience is my guide. My partner couldn’t even touch the places my guilt would take me.
For one I probably would not…Cheating is very mundane…People don’t realize that the person you are running to has already labled you as a cheater…So once you end your relationship and run to them, they no longer want you in the same way….I have cheated before….I couldn’t bring myself to do it again….
On the other hand I do believe that intimacy is very beautiful…I believe that women share a connection with one another that a man/women will never understand….Just as a star fish binds with another star fish…Women do the same thing….Symbiosis…..If this were another day and time I would love to share those moments with other women besides my lady but with her consent…..I am just soo afraid these days to go outside of her due to the rampant diseases…..Some women don’t believe that you can get STD’s from women just as you can from a man…..I have known women who still let their partner make love to them with her mouth while they have a yeast infection…I think that is soo gross…Then in turn her partner goes to the doctor and ends up with yeast in her esophagous….
I am very deep into feminist thought and I for one know the beauty that lies within the touch of another women and I would love to explore it..I am a true free spirit…A Sag for that matter…But I do know what time it is…..So when it comes to sexual intimacy this free spirit has become very inhibited…I also love my partner way too much to even jeopardize what we have together…I go through enough just thinking about her past….Then to have to think about the pasts of many other women…..I just would not want the headache………
Go for it Phocus! Cheating will produce (temporary) emotions that will clear the path to happiness (if not now then later). You can’t make yourself love your girl. Your soul is trying to tell you that she’s not in your destiny so go on and get it over with. Have fun!
some of ya’ll are not being REAL…Face it, if we don’t get caught HELL TO THE YEAH! face it we all want someone we can’t have…look @ how some of us lust after singers, actress, etc…Shyt I aint even gonna lye…Janet Jackson, Jill Scott, Patti Labelle…WHAT! HELL YEAH! and my grl already knows about this…most of ya’ll that post these longs prophets already have cheated before…BE REAL…cheating and not gettin caught maybe you can live some of your undesired fantasies…there are alot of things most women won’t do that the next one will…all this talk about hiv and herpes…if that was the case…if the humans of the world didn’t cheat then why we have all these damn diseases?